Narcissist Rarely Provide Closure Which Leads To Obsessing Thinking..
When coming out of a relationship with a Narcissist, it is normal to experience obsessive thoughts!
Obsessing over what is happening is completely justifiable, considering the pain, and the trauma you have encountered!
In addition, we often obsess and question our own perception on what is actually happening, and why it is happening! This is simply because we have been brainwashed to doubt ourselves!
We have become reliant on our Narcissist, for his approval, and for the truth.
Not only so, when the relationship comes to an abrupt end, there is rarely any closure.
There are so MANY questions running through our minds, and while we desperately seek for answers, rarely do we find them.
In addition, there is no explanation for the horrifying fact, that a Narcissist manipulated you, and brainwashed you into believing his feelings were real, only to cruelly abandon you, and discard you without warning or remorse.
After all, how could anyone profess their love for you, and then suddenly walk away as if you never existed?
What happened to the sweet, loving, and compassionate person we fell in love with?
Where is the justice for all the pain and hurt you are experiencing? How can a Narcissist be so cruel, and not be able to say ‘I am sorry’?
How can a Narcissist skip off into the horizon, continuing life as normal, and all the while you are left heartbroken, crushed, and mentally numb?
Who would not want answers for being so mistreated, and who would not obsess over how this could possibly be happening???
As I like to say, “A Narcissist has a way of making the most sane person, question their sanity”!
Obsessive thoughts are a reaction to anxiety that we feel.
No one wants to openly admit we have allowed someone to have that much control over our minds.
No one wants to feel obsessed, and no one wants to feel crazy.
In reality, we are trying to process our feelings, and unfortunately a Narcissist has a way of making you feel crazy!
Truth is, you are normal, and you are NOT crazy!!
Normal individuals have feelings. We know how to love someone, we know how to show our love, and we know that was we were led to believe felt REAL!
We thought the relationship was REAL, and we never questioned that!
Trying to make sense of all the madness, and grasping for answers is totally NORMAL!
If this is currently questioning your own sanity, STOP!
Healing and recovery takes time! It’s a process!
Closure is something we all deserve, and may be possible if you were dealing with a normal human being. When dealing with someone who is healthy, and capable of loving on ‘healthy’ terms, there are basic fundamentals that allows us to end things civilly. Healthy individuals have a conscience, they consider other people’s feelings, they show decency and respect, and they often show concern in creating closure.
This, however, is not the Narcissistic reality. A Narcissist has no perception of how much pain you are experiencing, nor do they desire to. They have no conscious about other people’s feelings, nor will they ever. They have no consideration for the hurt they have caused you, so do not expect it.
Again, Narcissistic people cannot love on healthy terms, nor do they leave on healthy terms. In the mind of a Narcissist, it was never about you, and it always about them.
Sadly, this does not change when they callously leave, and discard victims.
On the contrary, their vicious cycles of abuse are more apparent in the end, and the only real closure you may ever have is to free yourself from their control.
Obsessing Over The Fantasy A Narcissist Creates
In addition, it is important that you also collectively take the time, to think through everything that has happened to you, and NOT focus on all the good memories!
When coming out of the abusive cycles of being in a Narcissistic Relationship, we often have what is called a ‘selective memory’. We tend to focus on the positive moments, and the happy memories that were shared, and AVOID all the many painful moments we have encountered!
It took me a long time to figure this out, but when I did, it really opened my eyes. By obsessing, overanalyzing and staying “in our head” we avoid having to really feel the emotions that are trying to pour out of us. Believe it or not, this is exactly what the Narcissist is counting on. They want us to disconnect from ourselves so we remain dependent on them for survival.
When all we can do is obsess about our Narcissist, it is near impossible to avoid responding when we hear from him. We become consumed with trying to figure him out. Although we have the knowledge we need to stay away, Cognitive Dissonance keeps us wondering if he is really all that bad. We want to give him another chance to prove us wrong, to prove that he really is capable of love.
Unfortunately, we learn the hard way that he will never change. Some of us need to learn this lesson more than once. Others can move on more quickly. It is my hope that by understanding why you obsess about him, it will help you stay away and move on more quickly.
In addition, if you have been discarded for another woman, if you have been discarded for ANY reason at all, and if you are now left with the obsession this is all your fault.. STOP
As I always remind victims, this is never about you! It is always about the Narcissist!
If you are obsessing over his new pro-found happiness without, STOP! It’s a FAKE!
If you are obsessed with having closure or getting answers on why he/she suddenly changed.. STOP! You will never have the answers you are so desperately trying to find, and a Narcissist rarely gives you closure!
Unfortunately, this is completely routine, and it’s the inevitable!
The key to healing, and dealing with the emotions we all face, is to get support!
The more knowledge you have, you will quickly find power in being able to control these obsessive thoughts.
Again, it takes time so be patient with yourself!