The Roller-Coaster Crazy Making Cycles Of A Narcissist – Understanding Narcissistic Behavior, Narcissistic Traits & Why Narcissist Come Back
The following question was asked by a forum member.
“The Narcissist I was involved with had me change my entire life for him then called me and in a 5 minute telephone conversation told me he changed his mind and he was not going to be with me. He said it as casually as if he decided to have chicken for dinner instead of steak. Then he proceeded to mentally mess with my mind for another 3 years. Why? Why does the Narcissist keep coming back? Why can’t he leave us alone?”
In addition, it is extremely important that you understand these cycles and patterns of Narcissist Behavior, stem from the fact that a Narcissist needs validation to feel alive. Without having constant validation, a Narcissist feels dead inside.
Precisely the reason the roller-coaster ride never ends, as soon as you stop validating a Narcissist, and if a Narcissist is deficient in Narcissistic Supply (NS), he will seek it out from anyone he can get it from.
If he comes to you after your relationship has ended, you must understand he is coming to you because he is not getting enough attention or validation from his current source of supply. This may be harsh and hard to accept, but you must get it. He is not returning to you because he misses you or genuinely loves you.
Remember, the only two feelings a Narcissist experiences are fear and rage. Love is not a feeling a Narcissist can experience. If he returns to you, it’s because he needs to be validated and nothing more.
The reason for this is because he is only returning to get a “quick fix” on his addiction. Once you validate him by responding to him in any way, shape or form, he’s got his fix and will move on to the next best high.
Getting a reaction out of you is like a drug to him. He gets off on it and he needs it in order to feel alive. It gives him a thrill. Without it, he feels dead inside. This is why he will come back simply to insult you or demean you. If he knows he can’t get a positive reaction from you, he’s going to try to elicit a negative reaction. All he needs is a reaction from you to get his fix – good or bad, he doesn’t care – as long as he gets a reaction from you. He likes to know he still has some kind of hold or effect on you.
The best advice I can give you right now is to be honest with yourself. Do not bury your head in the sand like I did for years. You have one life to live. Make the most of it. Do the hard work now so you do not spend the rest of your life unhappy and questioning yourself. Existing in such a state is no way for anyone to live. You deserve real genuine love, and there are men out there who are capable of it.
I know this is much easier said than done, but I truly believe life has much to offer us if we simply choose to open our eyes to it and be honest with ourselves. We have the power to make changes in our life, if we want. We must accept what we cannot change and change what we can.