Marriage… As they say, planning for the wedding is the easy part! It is the challenges of two people who love each other as a couple “FOR BETTER OR WORSE” that essentially constitutes the success of a marriage.
Therefore, the question remains. Why would a Narcissist get married?
How can someone who has a history of cheating and lying, a person who lacks empathy and compassion, a person who has proven in almost every single relationship that he/she has no desire of upholding their vows of “FOR BETTER OR WORSE” get married?
In addition, to wondering why a Narcissist gets married, I am often asked why they rush into relationships, and why they rush into marriage.
As for example, here is a question that was presented on my support forum.
Why would a Narcissist rush into marriage? If Narcissists are afraid of intimacy, and afraid of commitment, why and what would posses them to want to marry you so soon?
To be more specific, my Ex Narcissist just remarried after knowing his online dating victim less than five months. I have seen many other posts from victims on this topic, and I have to ask why this happens? Is there something about the ‘new source’ that makes them more prone to such a drastic step in the Narcissists mind? As an ex source, I admit this places additional self-blame and condemnation into my mind.
Go figure. Fast and furious!
First, Narcissists always have motives – plain and simple..
When a Narcissist rushes into a relationship, and marries quickly, you can be rest assured there is SOMETHING in it for THEM! Whether that is money, fame, friends, assets, power, control, and a false image of who he really is, there is always something in it for them.
In addition and as written on CNN, Narcissists want weddings, not marriage.
Not only so, Narcissists are always concerned about their image, and Narcissists need people more than anyone. As I have stated in many of my posts, Narcissists have very specific reasons for being in relationships, but they are not built on the universal need we all have, which is to love.
Narcissists do not enter or stay in relationships for love. Their motives are quite different. I believe they become involved in relationships in order to ensure their needs are met. It’s really that simple…nothing more, but certainly nothing less.
Narcissists in many ways know how to survive and they mastered this trait very early on. Their inability to attach allows them to prey on people, but only when it means there is something in it for them long-term.
Unfortunately, when I met my ex-husband, I did not proceed with caution as I should have.
Narcissists are addicted to attention. Securing it is their predominant drive. If his new source provides him/her with the ability to obtain that which he will never achieve on his own, they will go to great lengths to secure this constant source of Narcissistic Supply.
There is almost nothing a Narcissist won’t do if he thinks it will bring him fame. To him, there is no such thing as bad publicity. Any publicity is good publicity, even through marriage.
In addition, a Narcissist considers himself a rare breed that cannot be understood by just anyone. He/she feels they are unique and special, while the majority of others are common and ordinary. Knowing this, a Narcissist only associates with others of high status or intellect, for they feel ONLY these people can possibly understand them.
In reality, this is all FAKE!
Meaning, a Narcissist evaluates whether he wants to develop a relationship with someone on the basis of their utility. In other words, how useful a person can be to him is the measure of their worth. He chooses friends, and his partner based on how well they can help him be noticed or help him become known.
This is how a Narcissist assesses whether he wants to develop a relationship with someone or not. Depending on how worthy the victim is in obtaining his goal, will also depend on how quickly he moves.
In other words, a Narcissist does not choose his companions based on how much he loves and cares about them. Though he may believe he does.
In reality, a Narcissist chooses to develop relationships with only those who are perceived by others to be superior, attractive, or unique in some way. By associating with others who attract attention, he ensures that he will never be deficient in NS.
As Sam Vaknin states, “The Narcissist knows that he is a con artist, a fraud, an elaborate hoax, a script, hollow and really non-existent.”