Getting Over A Narcissistic Boyfriend After Being Discarded – The Abuse, The Shame & The Pain From Loving A Narcissist…
Here is an email I received, and thought I would share it with you.
I am coming out of a Narcissistic Relationship, and I have no idea where I should start, nor do I know how to explain the hurt, the shame, and the pain I am feeling.
No matter how hard I try to reason with what I have been through, and tell myself I am better off, the moment I think of him (which by the way, is all the time), I just become an emotional wreck.
I am trying so hard to gain control over my emotions, and most importantly my life!
However, I question if I will ever recover from this pain and sorrow I am feeling!!! In fact, I will admit I often rotate between anger, anxiety, and sadness.
There are days when just getting out of bed requires all my energy, which seems to be non-existent since the day he left.
In addition, I am amazed at who and what I have become.
I am embarrassed that I have allowed this man, and this relationship to cause me so much grief, and shame.
I am ashamed that I didn’t see this coming, and that I allowed the abuse to continue for as long as I did.
Even more soul destroying, the rejection, the betrayal and the humiliation of knowing he discarded me for another woman is almost more than I can handle! I cannot believe I fell for all his lies, and gave him so many chances!!
Now look at me.. I am a wreck, and he’s sailed off into the abyss as if I never existed!
GOD be with me!!
I swear that I have never met anyone like him. I have never allowed ANYONE to hurt me like this.
I have always been confident, independent and extremely intelligent.
I always felt attractive, and worthy…
But now, I have no idea who I am.
Why is he so different from the rest? Why can’t I let go? I am hoping that you can shed some light on this, and guide me through this painful time.
I don’t understand it. HELP!
Coping From The Grief, The Pain & Shame
OMG…. You deserve a hug, and I send my hugs your way!
First, thank you for sharing your story, and my heart goes out to you!!
If there were a magical way I could make this all quickly disappear, I would share this with you.
Unfortunately, there is no such formula, and there is no such magic.
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with you. What you are experiencing is completely normal, and this is a very very long and trying process.
Narcissists are masterminds when it comes to leading us to believe we have something ‘prized and cherished’.
They lead us through a maze of smoke and mirrors until we are ‘convinced’ we have found an amazing, and special person, when in reality, it is an illusion.
They lead us to believe that we will never find this type of happiness again, and they are irreplaceable.
Worst of it all… We are the ones replaceable! We are the ones haunted!
The acting talent Narcissists posses is incredible. They are brilliant con-artist, and especially when seeking and trying to obtain new Narcissistic Source of Supply.
The reality we must all face, is that the wonderful person we feel in love with NEVER existed. We have to accept that he never was who we thought he/she was, and the real motive for being in the relationship was to obtain control of us, and manipulate us to meet his never-ending child-like needs.
Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves.
In addition, it’s fully understandable why you are grieving this loss, and trying to cope with the pain as best as you know how.
After all, the emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a Narcissist is merciless and relentless.
It is critical to your recovery that you totally know this was never about you. You are not CRAZY!
Narcissists brainwash us. They use several different methods of coercion in order to obtain control over us.
It is actually quite sad. Narcissists are not able to experience the range of emotions we can. They will never encounter pure joy, compassion or true love. Sure, they think they love you but that’s because they are dependent on you for survival, not because they are in love with you in any mature, adult or romantic way.
To begin the process of recovery, you must educate yourself, and gain as much knowledge as you possibly can. Once you understand why this is happening, the healing process becomes much easier.
In my eBook I cover 6 Steps to Recovery, and KNOWLEDGE alone is powerful. In addition, you must look for support, and lean on others who have also been through the abuse, and survived it.
Recovering takes time, and though it’s easier said than done, you MUST take back your power. You must constantly remind yourself that you deserve better, and by him leaving you for another woman, has NOTHING to do with you being unlovable. Nor does it have ANYTHING to do with him finding someone better.
Narcissistic men are never satisfied, and it’s all about obtaining a ‘new source’ in which he can also repeat the cycles of abuse. These cycles follow them through each and every relationship, its simply a matter of time.
Please get support, and be patient with yourself!