Getting Over Narcissistic Abuse Is A Process Of Healing. Recovering From The Abuse Takes Time.
So much so, most victims of Narcissistic Abuse, no matter what they have tolerated, no matter how much turmoil they have encountered throughout the relationship, they still have this inner desire of wanting things to be the way they ‘use to be’.
It’s as if the memories of how the narcissist made his way into our lives practically consume our thoughts, and no matter how much hurt and pain we have embraced along the way, we STILL find it extremely difficult to walk away.
In fact, it’s very common for victims of Narcissistic Abuse, to question themselves, and to hide from the shame of still longing to be with a Narcissist.
After all, how do we explain our desire of wanting to remain in a TOXIC relationship with a Narcissist?
How do we begin to rationalize wanting to be with someone who is incapable of loving us back?
How do we justify putting up with the cycles of abuse, and would anyone truly understand if we tried to explain?
In fact, how do you explain this to ANYONE, when you have no real answers yourself?
How can you explain the addiction, the obsession, and the pain you might feel?
How do you justify the abuse, and in the same breath, love your abuser?
You might even question your own sanity..
After all, is there something wrong with us? Are we co-dependent? Are we weak, or selfless? Why can we not accept we deserve better? Why are we so addicted to having their approval, and their acceptance?
Why is it too good to leave, and too bad to stay?
Why in the world cannot we not just get over it?????
In fact, our friends tell us “Just get over it” but yet again, we have no idea how to do that. What does it mean to get over it anyway?
How do we let go of the past, the pain and the emotional injury of giving our hearts to a person that completely took us for a ride?
How do we forgive the person who has cheated on us, betrayed us, lied to us, and misled us?
How do we regain our self-worth and self-esteem after we have been physically or emotionally abused?
How could ever trust again, after being cheated on?
How do we find once again, the self-confidence, love, joy and happiness we use to know?
How can we get over it, when that seems so simple?
Getting Over A Narcissistic Abuse – The Path Forward
Here is the problem most of us face when getting over a Narcissistic Relationship. First of all, you’ve gone through a lot to get to this point. Being involved with a Narcissist is a major investment to say the least.
Anyone who has been involved in a Narcissistic Relationship for a lengthy period of time, knows the price you pay to keep the relationship going.
After all, you’ve probably encountered a whirlwind of MANY high’s and low’s, and despite the fact there are always more low’s, we always pray, and we always hope love will be enough.
In fact, you’ve probably mentally exhausted yourself trying to make the relationship work, and while your efforts never seem to work, you still hope love will prevail.
After all, it wasn’t always bad, and he wasn’t always cruel and heartless, right?
Maybe he was, and perhaps you have always known the relationship was TOXIC…
Maybe you have agonized endlessly on whether you should leave or stay?
And maybe when you finally found the courage, and you had finally had enough, he would always know what to do, and what to say, to lure you back in?
After all, Narcissists know how to manipulate people better than anyone!
Not only is this precisely why getting over a Narcissist is so difficult, by the time the relationship comes to a full blown end, we have some how gotten accustom to the roller-coaster ride, and the crazy making cycles of being involved with a Narcissist.
One moment, you feel loved, adored and cherished. The next, you feel devalued, discarded and abused.
The emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a narcissist is merciless and relentless. Narcissists brainwash their victims. They use several different methods of coercion in order to obtain control over their significant other. They threaten, degrade, shift blame, criticize, manipulate, verbally assault, dominate, blackmail, withdraw, withhold love and affection and gaslight their victims.
This is why I believe the key to our recovery is to find ourselves again. I call this ‘The Path Forward’..
To begin this process, you will need to stop giving all your ENERGY to the relationship!
While our minds must make sense of the chaos and trauma we experienced (i.e. emotional abuse) at the hands of the person we love, it is extremely important that you stop fixating on HIM/HER, and begin focusing on YOU!
Though I realize this is easier said than done. When you find support, and when you gain more knowledge on why this is happening, and why a Narcissist will never be able to provide you with the love you so deserve.
This knowledge becomes liberating!
Once you begin to understand why a Narcissist devalues and discards sources of supply, and know that it has nothing to do with you, this is liberating!
Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship – 3 Things You Must Do
1. One of the first steps towards recovery is to accept the fact this was never about you. This has nothing to do with you not being good enough, nor is it that your unlovable. You must accept the reality that a Narcissist is incapable of loving anyone.
2. Give yourself time, and don’t be hard on yourself. Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship, and know that the pain will not last forever. As with any relationship ending, there is usually sorrow; however, having to cope with the pain, the confusion, and the intense emotional damage that goes along with being involved with a Narcissist takes time. Be patient, and get support!
3. Narcissist love power, so take back you power. Narcissist thrive on controlling victims, so take back the remote CONTROL! It is time to recreate a brand new you, and a brand new life! Do not waste ANY more energy stroking a the Narcissists fragile ego, and remember Surviving A Narcissist is possible!