Dealing With A Narcissist
I am often asked, “How do you deal with a Narcissist? How can you successfully live with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder?”
In truth, there is no easy way to answer these questions.
In fact, for anyone who has ever lived with a Narcissist, or spent a lengthy amount of time with a Narcissist, then you will know all too well how exhausting this task can be.
In reality, nothing is ever good enough for them and never will be. They are constantly in a dreamlike state, waiting for their life to begin. While they do this, they drag everyone around them down into their miserable and cynical view of the world.
In my opinion, a narcissist’s mood can at times be described as someone with manic-depressive disorder. They’re either extremely manic and high on life or horribly negative and cynical.
Very rarely will you find them anywhere in the middle. Everything they do is extreme. When they’re manic they are unbelievably fun, but when they’re not, they are terribly depressing and critical.
Narcissists might hope and wish for a loving and caring relationship; however, once they find it, they become extremely uncomfortable. The thought of being in love initially excites them, but as the relationship progresses they become terrified by the intense feelings of being vulnerable, and being susceptible to such feelings of intimacy. They internally doubt the authenticity of real genuine love, which is essentially why they will eventually devalue those closest to them.
Narcissists cannot grasp the concept of unconditional love that includes the acceptance of flaws, which we all have. On the contrary, to the Narcissist, he believes himself to be deserving of nothing but the best, and love alone will never sustain them. Instead, love feels unsafe, and admiration through achievements and credentials is safer.
As a result, Narcissists seek attention and admiration from as many people as possible.This motivates them, it drives their ego, and reaffirms what they already believe. Which happens to be the grandiose illusion that they are above everyone, they are special, unique, and deserve this entitlement.
So much so, a Narcissist would rather be admired by MANY, than to settle being loved by one. Precisely for this reason, those who profess their love for the Narcissist, end up being devalued and discarded.
For this reason, trying to love a Narcissist is a maddening, exhausting and precarious way to live. It can drive the most sane person to the edge of their sanity.
Trust me, I know this personally!
In addition, Narcissists live in a world of fear. They are afraid of being exposed, afraid of being abandoned and afraid of losing control.
Living in a state of fear like this causes them to always be in a fight or flight mode. They are always on the defense and unable to let their guard down. As a result, they do not attach to others in a healthy way and inevitably destroy any trust that once existed in the relationship.
The demise of a healthy relationship is unavoidable.
While narcissists are oblivious to the fact that their behavior hurts others, it does not mean that at times, they are not deliberately abusive. On the contrary, a Narcissist will deliberately abuse those closest to them, when the relationship changes in a way that is not to their liking.
One example of this is when a Narcissist comes to the conclusion that you do in fact love them, or he/she realizes that you have become conquered by his acts to win you over.
Another example could be when you’ve become too close for comfort, or you show signs of being clingy.
Regardless, what you should remember is that intimacy terrifies a Narcissist! This intimacy is why he/she will often push you away!
In addition, Narcissists are notorious for turning everything around so you eventually begin to question yourself.
He will do something terribly mean or cruel. You will talk to him about it, and by the end of your conversation, you are the one apologizing for some reason. It’s unreal, but very true.
In my experience, a Narcissist eventually becomes sarcastic and belittles you constantly.
You begin to feel you can do nothing right in his eyes and your presence is hardly tolerable. You’re baffled. You wonder what you did wrong to cause such a drastic change in his feelings toward you. You struggle desperately to return things to the way they were in the beginning.
Unfortunately, as hard as you try, things will never be the same again.
For this very reason, one must ask themselves, why would they want to live this way?
You hold the power within to cultivate a life of happiness for yourself, but it is up to you to take control and make that happen. It is my hope that The Path Forward will provide a path for you to take back control of your life, find yourself again and manifest your dreams. Tap into your innate potential. A whole new world is out there waiting for you. Embrace it!