Get Over A Narcissist | Surviving A Narcissistic Relationship
Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship Is No Easy Task.. Learn Steps On How To Get Over A Narcissist & Free Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse!
Are you trying to get over a Narcissist, or dealing with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder? If so, Lisa E. Scott, the author of “Surviving A Narcissist – The Path Forward” helps victims recognize the warning signs of being involved with a Narcissist, and provides steps towards recovery on how to get over a Narcissist, and free yourself from the cycles of Narcissistic Abuse.
Are you currently dealing with the pain of being involved with a Narcissist? Has the mental exhaustion of being involved in a Narcissistic Relationship left you heartbroken, numb, and full of despair?
Do you often wonder how you will ever be able to move on, or how you will ever survive the abuse?
Have you tried everything you know possible to move on and let go, and no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work?
As if the memories, the pain, the shock, the hurt and all the shattered dreams continuously haunt you?
If so, does it feel as if you are dreaming a severely bad nightmare and all you want is for the pain to go away?
ANYTHING to end the misery, the hurt, and this dead feeling that consumes you now?
Like I was, do find yourself constantly obsessing over what is happening, what went wrong, and how you can possibly make sense of all the madness?
When I use the word madness..
Perhaps you are now left wondering why your ‘perceived’ fairytale relationship went from being EVERYTHING you have ever hoped for, EVERYTHING you have ever dreamed of, to becoming a complete train wreck overnight? Going from pure ecstasy, to pure mental torture over time?
Maybe you are always left in a constant state of depression, and walk on eggshells with worry and anxiety?
Maybe out of fear that he will ‘once again’ break up with you, or he will threaten to end the relationship, or become less interested in you, you constantly find yourself walking on eggshells to KEEP him happy?
Maybe you feel as if no matter how HARD you try, no matter what you do, it never seems to be enough? Regardless of your efforts, and despite how much you try, he still blows and cold, and he constantly gives you mixed signals….
As if hitting a light switch…
One minute he wants you, and the next minute he completely shows no interest at all.
In one breath he is COMPLETELY consumed by you, he can’t get enough of you, and when you least expect it, he totally shuts down.
Perhaps he has become extremely critical, pointing out all your flaws. Which by the way, were never an issue.
Maybe he uses ‘projection’, and tells you you’re the one with the problem? You’re the one who crazy, and you’re the one who thinks too much…
Maybe he uses silent treatment to punish and torture you, while avoiding and ignoring you at all costs. Maybe the harder you try to get him to open up, the more you try to appease him, the more distant he becomes. Not only so, he becomes emotionless, and totally shows no interest in you, or your feelings at all.
If so.. You might think to yourself, what could I have possibly done wrong?
Was it the conversation I initiated about our future together? Or that day when I was sick and cranky?
Did I push him too much? Did I put to much pressure on him? Did I come across to as being too pushy, or weak, or clingy?
WHAT IS IT?
Alternatively, and like so many victims… Maybe you are now left wondering how you went from being adored, idolized, special, and loved – to being devalued and discarded as if you never meant anything?
Commonly, perhaps these frequent cycles of mistreatment have left you wondering who you are, and if you will ever be the same? As if the person you once were is nowhere to be found, and will she ever be?
Maybe like I was, you are constantly left in a state of confusion.
Yes, you are constantly looking for answers in WHY he suddenly changed, and WHY his behavior towards you has become so painfully different?
Perhaps like MANY victims of Narcissistic Abuse, you are always doubting yourself?
Meaning, just when you finally think you are ready to move on, and you have accepted the fact that the relationship is no longer the same, and the cycles of abuse, the cycles of high’s, followed by MANY sudden low’s hurt too much… He comes crawling back, and pleading for forgiveness?
Yes, pretending as if nothing was wrong, nothing ever happened, and back to the old sweet, and loving caring man, he begs for another chance..
Lastly, maybe you have no idea if your involved in a Narcissistic Relationship, however, you KNOW something isn’t quite right, and yet you cannot figure out WHAT?
If so, and you are currently questioning yourself, see if you can relate to ANY of the following warning signs of being involved in a Narcissistic Relationship.
Narcissistic Relationships – Narcissistic Behavior & Patterns Of Narcissistic Men
Phase 1 – Narcissistic Idealization
- In the beginning, did he seem God sent? The man that could see and feel your soul?
- Was he very eager, persistent, determined and convinced that you were the one? ‘As if the soul-mate theory had finally made its way and connected the two of you’?
- Was he strikingly different in every single aspect? As in over-the-top – the Omega Male? Or perhaps he ‘initially’ came across as nothing more than ‘average’, and yet through his conquest to have you, you became smitten by him? Was he different from any man you had ever met?
- Did he know all the right things to say, the words you‘ve been craving and starving for?
- Was the sex amazing? ‘Fireworks’? Did he bring out a side of you, you never knew existed. At least not on this level?
- Do you find that your life took on a brand new meaning? Hence – you now have purpose; you now finally know what it feels like to be truly on top if the world? Ecstasy?
- You have had other relationships and none of them compare?
- You spend countless amounts of time together and it never seems to be enough?
Phase 2 – Narcissistic Relationships – The Devaluation Process
- Slowly and gradually as time went on, did you notice something different about him? As in the way he treated you, the way he made you feel? Perhaps becoming less interested?
- Did he go from being caring; tentative and showering you with tons of attention, and now shows signs of being cold and distant?
- Does he keep you in a state of confusion? Never knowing where you stand, what he is thinking or how he feels? Is he hot & cold? Is he unpredictable, mysterious, aloof, and private?
- Does he have a life without you? One you are not included in… (This could be work related, former relationships, children, friends, and or hobbies).
- Does he restrain from seeing you, go for weeks without showing and sign of interest and then comes crawling back as if he was the same loving man you initially met?
- Have you found reasons to believe he is lying or distrustful? When questioning him, does he make you feel like YOU have an insecurity problem? Perhaps advising you to get help?
- Does the slightest argument, setback, disagreement or criticism set him off into a rage or perhaps other forms of punishment, such as him being cold, distant and silent?
- Do you walk on eggshells? Changing your personality as if you were a chameleon in hopes of keeping him happy?
- Is the sex ‘still amazing’, even though the relationship has changed considerably?
- Does he constantly break promises?
- Does the relationship feel like a Roller-Coaster ride on steroids?
- Have you recently discovered that he is showing signs of chasing other women? Perhaps his ex? Does he complete convince you otherwise?
- Does your gut tell you that you are being mistreated; you know something is wrong but you cannot find it in yourself to walk away? It’s as if you are no longer the person you once were? The ever-so-sexy, confident, happy, outgoing, aka ‘with-it’ girl, is nowhere to be found? – At least not on the surface?
- Have you tried walking away from the relationship, only to find that you are completely obsessed with having him back? One minute you ‘think’ you call the shots, and the next you are begging for mercy and convincing him that the relationship was meant to be?
- Your memories of being happy with or without them seem so distant but ‘his love’ is still your drug?
Phase 3 – Being Discarded by a Narcissist (Devalue And Discard)
- At this stage, do you now realize the relationship is totally All About HIM? Everything that was elated in the beginning, the gradual loss of his attention as time went by, is now completely at a standstill? It’s as if you no longer exist and now everything is About Him?
- Do you now find yourself contacting him constantly, just praying for the opportunity to rekindle his love and affection? Does he ignore your attempts?
- Have you lost control over your emotions and thoughts? Do you now feel possessed as if you are selling yourself to the devil?
- Is he now completely disinterested lacking any form of desire for you or the relationship? As in viciously cold and totally ignoring you? He doesn’t return calls, texts or any other form of communication?
- When he does respond, is he brutally cold? Treating you as if never meant anything to him?
- Does he use reverse psychology? As in making statements like ‘We were not meant to be’, ‘We have nothing in common’, ‘You are too good for me’, ‘We fought all the time’, ‘Why can’t you just move on’, etc?
- Out of embarrassment, do you hide the truth from others, pretending to be in complete control?
- Have you lost sight of what makes you happy, who you are, and what you want to become. Do you even care about your future if it means he won’t be in it?
- Are you convinced that life has no meaning without them?
- Do you hate yourself? Do you now find that you conscious and mind is agreeing with many of the negative things he would say about you? As in, ‘I am crazy’, ‘He is right’, ‘Why would he want me’, ‘Why can’t I just move on’, ‘Something is wrong with me’, etc?
Yes, if you can relate to ANY of the above patterns of being involved in a Narcissistic Relationship…
Then perhaps the following questions have also crossed your mind?
- What happened to the romantic and charming man I once knew? How can a man go from being everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner, everything you have ever hoped and dreamed about, suddenly change into someone you hardly recognize?
- How can a man fall madly in love with you, sweep me you off your feet.. And then suddenly, without warning, ‘like overnight’ turn cold, push you away, go silent, ignore you and completely withdrawal from the relationship?
- How can a man go being a prince in shining armor – showering me with tons of attention, worshiping the ground I walk on – to being vicious, cold, mean, silent and disinterested?
- How can a Narcissist change so suddenly? In the beginning he was so convincing, so eager and so quickly to convince me, that the love we shared was ‘golden’, ‘cast in the stars of soul-mates’, ‘bound in the books of ever-lasting love’ and NOW.. He is changing…. Ignoring me and avoiding me one minute, and so normal the next..
- How can a man go from being overtly caring; intensely tentative, seductively addicting to later discover that he lacks empathy to your needs, especially during moments when you need him/her the most?
- How is it possible that a man who appeared to be more caring, more loving, and the most compassionate man you have ever met, turn into a vicious, violent, insensitive heartless man?
- Why would a Narcissist leave you for another woman, after everything you’ve shared, and after he has led you to believe that no other woman would ever make him happy?
- How could a Narcissist walk away from his family, walk away from the home you’ve worked so hard for, and completely abandon you?
- How can you survive the pain of knowing that everything you believed, and all the memories that were shared were all a lie?
- How will I ever move on, and will I EVER be able to trust anyone again?
- How in the world did I not see this coming? How could I not see through his hidden agendas? How could he be so convincing that what we shared was REAL?
- Why cannot I not walk away, and why does this hurt so bad, when you KNOW deep down the relationship is completely toxic?
Why is this happening to me…………
Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship – Understanding Narcissistic Relationships With Narcissist & Narcissistic Men!
Egotistical self-centered men.. We thought we knew them, we thought we knew how to avoid them, and through experience, we thought we knew how to spot them..
Yes, women have grown wise to the games and tactics men can often play, and we have certainly learned the hard way to avoid being hurt by men who seemingly play with women’s emotions!
On the contrary, not all men are the same! Not all men who play with your emotions are narcissistic! But one thing is for certain, no one can ever prepare you for the types of mind games you will later face in loving someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder!
Initially there are no red flags, and unfortunately the red flags don’t exist until it’s often too late!
In fact, just like many women, there was a time in my life where I also thought I knew how to spot a narcissistic man. There was a time when I literally thought I had all men figured out.. But no one could prepare me for the wrath I would face when falling madly in love with a Narcissist!
Not only was I completely clueless by his narcissistic ways of luring me in as his next victim, I honestly thought I had met my knight in shining armor.
I was totally convinced he was REAL, and that our relationship, and the love we shared would last forever.
I was entranced by him, and I was completely in love with this man. Never before had I EVER met a man like him, and nothing he did gave me ANY reason to believe differently.
In fact, not only were there no red flags, no warnings, and nothing that would ever make be ‘think’ he was anything short of being genuine.. He was the most compassionate, romantic, sensitive, loving, attentive man I had ever met.. At least in the beginning that is…
So much so, in the beginning, our connection was instant! The chemistry between us was surreal. Literally, he was a breathe of fresh air, he was extremely addicting, and very hard to avoid!!
As with anyone who has fallen for a Narcissist, this fairytale didn’t last, and his real stripes eventually emerged.
Yes, after spending nearly eight years of my life with a Narcissist, and after witnessing the horrifying roller-coaster of loving a man with narcissistic personality disorder, I finally had to wake up and accept the fact he would never change. I had to finally make the choice, and walk away…
While I openly admit, getting over a narcissistic relationship and moving on was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I will also say it was the best thing I ever did!
I was tired of the emotional distress of loving this man, and I knew I deserved better.
Honestly, just reflecting back at all the cycles of being idealized one minute, only to be painfully hurt by his devaluation tactics justified that I made the right decision…
Again, I was tired, and I wanted my life back!
Surviving A Narcissist – Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship
I am Lisa E. Scott, the Author of All About Him and my latest eBook,
Surviving A Narcissist – The Path Forward
I want to be clear that in no way am I qualified to offer a professional opinion on how this personality disorder develops in a person, nor will I attempt to do so. I share my story with you for a few reasons.
First, I know the pain you are currently experiencing! I personally know how painful it is to be in a Narcissistic Relationship!
In fact, getting over a Narcissist and surviving a Narcissistic relationship was the hardest thing I have ever been through!
In addition, I know exactly what it is like to fall madly in love with a Narcissist, and all the while thinking he was REAL. I know exactly what it is like to live with the turmoil of loving a man who is not capable of showing love. I know exactly what it feels like to feel hurt, and I know exactly what it feels like to feel emotionally abandoned by a Narcissist!
Unfortunately, I have been there, and I know precisely how hard it is to recover afterwards!
On the contrary, I also know what it feels like to wonder if you will ever survive the abuse, and I am here to be a witness and tell you.. I DID!
In fact, that is exactly why I wrote “Surviving A Narcissist- The Path Forward”. I wanted to help victims overcome the anxiety, and the mental exhaustion they often feel when trying to get over a Narcissistic Relationship!
Maybe like me, you KNOW why it’s so hard to get over them, and yet you cannot explain it to those closest to you, such as your friends and family?
Sure they make it sound so simple.. Sure they tell you ‘get over it’, and no one really knows how hard it really is. No one could ever understand the mental anguish you are currently experiencing unless they have been through it themselves!
Getting over a Narcissistic Relationship is a process, and it is not one that happens overnight, nor is it one that magically occurs by just knowing the relationship is TOXIC!
Trust me, I know this personally and I feel your pain!
When I wrote my first book “It’s All About Him”, this was the therapy I needed to help me digest what was happening. Not only was a trying to make sense of what was happening, I was also trying to accept that my ex husband was a Narcissist, and that he would never change! NEVER!!
Not only was he a Narcissist, and was diagnosed with Pathological Narcissism by his own therapist, his inability to be able to recognize his own misjudgements in our marriage, and his lack of empathy was extremely hard to process!
By the ending of our marriage, I had no idea who he was, but I did know he was not the man that initially swept me off my feet!
Though I honestly never knew what was happening to me, and I remained in denial and disillusion for many years, when I FINALLY knew what I was dealing with, I had to find the courage within myself to set myself FREE!
In fact, this is precisely why I open up my life, and share my story with you!
Not only do I want to help you recognize the patterns and traits of a Narcissist, I want to educate you on how a Narcissist thinks and what motivates him!
I want to help you by giving you insight on how I survived a Narcissistic Relationship, and provide you ongoing support to help you through this!
In addition, I find it extremely important that I not mislead you!
As I mention at the top of this website, both men and women suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, however, studies show that 75% of Narcissists are male.
While this is reality, under no circumstance would I ever want to confuse readers by portraying that every single relationship circumstance is the same, nor is every man that happens to be a jerk a narcissist. This is simply not the case!
The reality we must face when dealing with a Narcissist is they are extremely hard to pin point, they are extremely hard to read, and they are an elusive breed.
So much so, I am often asked why we fall in love with Narcissist/ Narcissistic Men?
How is it possible for a man who is so self absorbed, so detached from love and the real meaning of commitment, make his way into our lives.
How can a woman like me go from being confident, attractive, independent, driven and in-love, only to later find that she, through this abusive relationship has cast herself in the role of being – pitiful, dependent, depressed, confused and heartbroken?
How can a woman who is so cautious, so savvy to the world of dating and relationship games, and a woman toughened up when it comes to love and men, become smitten by such a pathological disorder of loving a narcissists?
Ladies… Let me explain!
We have all had a ‘Mr. Big’ in our lives that essentially went bad. Women have also become emotionally distant and unavailable as a result of being hurt. As a result of loving someone, playing the game train and eventually getting hurt, women have conditioned themselves to remain distant from falling to hard with men, especially too quickly.
Women including myself have conditioned themselves to protect their feelings. After countless dud dates, loser men, relationship roller coasters and years of pain, women have slowly shut the door to their hearts. In general, women have learned the hard way base upon past experiences to protect themselves! I totally agree and I was also one of those women.
BUT… NO one, including ME could ever prepare for the strike of a narcissists.
The situation is quite horrifying and exhausting! The break up, cheating, silent treatment, heartbreak – it was a painful devastating time in my life!
Unlike many personality disorders where the classic signs are noticeable, this is often NOT the case during the initial phases of meeting someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In fact, Narcissists typically mystify you with their extreme confidence. They are often charming, romantic, attractive (whether that is physical or emotional attraction), relentless in their desire to be with you, intelligent and savvy (especially in obtaining new narcissistic supply), and they are very hard to walk away from!
Not only are Narcissist extremely hard to pinpoint, even mental health experts find it extremely difficult to measure the level of narcissism one might carry.
While I admit I am not a psychotherapist, I am not a mental health expert, nor do I proclaim to be. I will state that my writing, and the advice I provide victims is based upon my own personal experiences in being involved with a Narcissist, and my journey of getting over a Narcissistic Relationship.
The second reason I share my story with you is because I have found hearing from others who have had a similar struggle as my own to be very helpful.
Not only so, the majority of literature on the topic of narcissism is written by mental health professionals and clinicians. While these individuals are extremely qualified, they have not experienced what it is like to try to love a Narcissist. I do not believe one can truly understand what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves.
In my opinion, individuals who have experienced a similar struggle can connect with one another on a level that far supersedes any other form of therapy. I personally find it very powerful to talk to others who know first-hand what I’m going through. If I am able to connect with one person who relates to my story, and as a result seeks help and support, I will feel good about what I’ve done.
There is help out there, and no one should go through the disillusionment of a Narcissist alone.
Lastly, and most importantly, my primary mission is to help you through this pain, and to let you know RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!
Getting over a narcissistic relationship is a process, and by having the additional support we often need and require, essentially speeds up that process..
In my eBook “Surviving A Narcissist – The Path Forward” I will share my story on how I survived the abuse of being in a Narcissistic Relationship. I will also help you understand why this is happening, and how to deal with the pain you might be experiencing.
I Will Also Show You Ways That Helped Me Get Over A Narcissist & Begin The Journey Of Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship!
- The first step to getting over a Narcissistic Relationship is to understand why the Narcissist is incapable of having a healthy loving long-term relationship. – The Narcissists Fragile Ego
- In my eBook, I will cover 6-Steps that are critical to your recovery, and essential in the process of getting over a Narcissistic Relationship! I will provide you with 6 Steps that helped me survive Narcissistic Abuse. – The 6-Steps
- I will show you throughout my book how to understand and recognize the personality disorder of a Narcissist. – Understand IT
- When coming out of a Narcissistic Relationship, the first thing we need to do is get real with ourselves about what happened in the relationship. Only by understanding the Narcissist do we realize we have suffered emotional abuse and trauma at the hands of the person we love. – Charlie Sheen
- In this eBook, I will take you inside the mind of a Narcissist. I will show you how to recognize Narcissistic Behavior, Narcissistic Traits of Narcissist, and the crazy making cycles of being involved with a Narcissist! – The Narcissist In The Making
- When getting over a Narcissistic Relationship, it’s extremely important that you understand the REAL dynamics of what makes a Narcissist tick. I will also show you why Narcissistic Men are incapable of having long-term healthy relationships, and why they continue to come back! – Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- In this eBook, I will address why Narcissist devalue and discard victims. – Narcissist Devalue & Discard
- When trying to get over a narcissist, we often question if the Narcissist ever loved us. While we want to desperately believe that somewhere in this nonsense, this is the case, it’s important to realize that Narcissists can’t love.
- Narcissistic Men are often amazing lovers. Narcissist use sex as a tool, or a weapon to lure in his victim. On the contrary, there are times when a Narcissist will withhold sex, as a way to punish his victim. – Madonna Whore Complex
- When coming out of a Narcissistic Relationship, we often question ourselves. We are left wondering why we allowed this to happen, and how could we not see through his hidden agendas. This eBook will identify and address how we fall for them and how we are brainwashed.
- If a Narcissist has discarded you for someone NEW, I will show you why it’s critical that you never compare yourself, and obsess over his new source. I will show you why this happens, and address many of your fears about his NEW profound happy life without you. I assure you, it’s not what you think!
- After being discarded by a Narcissist, we often live with the agony of thinking whoever he/she is with must be better, otherwise he would have never left, right? WRONG! I will show you how to avoid this way of thinking, and show you that his patterns and cycles will continue EVEN with his new relationship!
- When getting over a Narcissistic Relationship, its extremely important that you avoid all contact with your ex Narcissist. I dedicated a full chapter to the No Contact Rule.
- Often when grieving the loss of a Narcissist, we desperately want answers. There are so many unknowns, and Narcissists rarely give you closure. I will address many common questions victims want to know such as, “Do Narcissist miss you after they discard you?” “Why does a Narcissist seek out relationships, and why do they come back if they don’t really care?”
- If you are currently obsessed over your ex Narcissist, it is so important that you STOP! To get over this abuse, and to reclaim the mental power you have handed over, you have to use that energy elsewhere. I will show you had to cope with your obsession, and I will also show you why your silence bothers a Narcissist.
- While there is so many additional things I could list, I think I will end it with this. I am often asked, is there ANYTHING that bothers a Narcissist? Is there anything that gets under there skin, and is there any type of revenge you can use to reverse this rejection you may feel. The answer is yes. I will show you in my eBook what ‘gets to a Narcissist’. I will show you ways to reverse this rejection, and simply by showing indifference.
I have spent the past decade of my life helping victims recover from the wrath of a narcissist and narcissistic abuse! This eBook will guide you to the beginning of recovery. The beginning of rediscovering yourself, and the beginning of what I consider, freeing YOURSELF from the Narcissist, and ultimately TAKING YOUR POWER BACK!!
Power Is What The Narcissists Wants! Breaking Up His Control Is What YOU Want!
YOU hold the magical solution. YOU hold the Power! This eBook will help you begin that process!
In addition, many victims avoid the reality that a Narcissist will never change. They often continue to remain in the Narcissists web, and they settle for the infrequent moments of happiness, which become few and far between.
Many victims of Narcissistic Abuse are often unable to separate themselves psychologically, and the price they pay for doing this, is often led to heartbreak. They are often stuck in a pattern of MANY frequent lows, or they are completely discarded all together.
Once again, we must wake up, and we must realize that it’s all inevitable. A Narcissist cannot change his stripes, and the best revenge you could possibly have is to move on, and take back your control.
If you really want to manipulate a Narcissist, if you truly want to know what makes a Narcissist tick, and you want to see a Narcissist in action, show him indifference.
If there is anything that bothers a Narcissist, it’s by him knowing he doesn’t that the control over you and your happiness as he once did.
Lastly, hug yourself. You can survive a Narcissistic Relationship, but it all begins with YOU!